I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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