we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
