I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
