You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
be right there i have to get my cape
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
