Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
