I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
