The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
