Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
