My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
do nipples grow back?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize