The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
At least life still wants to fuck me.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
