i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
