I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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