She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
