We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Randomize
