i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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