What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
