yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Damn victory sex feels great
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