On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
