That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
