He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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