I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize