So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
