she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
