my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
