Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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