I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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