She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
