I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
