I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
