Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Randomize