remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
