Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I'm passing your future prison.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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