No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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