So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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