I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
