My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
