I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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