She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
