Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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