you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
