Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
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