i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
