she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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