mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Randomize
