His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
