If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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