walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Randomize