I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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