Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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