I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
