tell your sister to shave her snatch
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Randomize
