Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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