just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
