I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
