can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
