Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
