I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
