Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Randomize
