I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
