would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
