i may or may not be watching the land before time
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
