are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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