booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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