My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
