plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
And then the night went full on bisexual.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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