GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
