well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
