So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Randomize
