I smell stomach acid.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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