I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
