Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Randomize
