the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
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