those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
