I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
