yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
